I live with a visionary who I call "maamaa" (uncle).
As a child, Madan Rai, was a porter. He carried loads on his back like a mule to survive. He had no shoes. When he stepped on a thorn, it would break rather than pierce his leather-hard soles. He lived in the village of Ratancha, Khotang District, Nepal. His father abandoned him and his mother to fight the all-powerful Rana family in support of the King Tribhuvan. He lived with his mother and paternal grandparents - farmers. During that time, he had one set of clothes in a year. No proper jacket in the cold. His clothes would be worn to rags well before the next set came. He would look forward to Dasain all year when he would get 15 paisa (100 paisa = 1 rupee) - 5 paisa from each of his uncles, his only pocket money all year.
Under the Rana regime, anyone caught reading or learning to write without their express permission, could have their hands chopped off. When the King implemented public education after the Revolution in 1951, some conservative villagers feared education, believing it would corrupt their children by making them lazy or even turning them into thieves. Madan's grandfather was among their ranks. Madan would be punished after sneaking off to study when he said he was tending the goats and other livestock. His mother supported him, but had little power in their home. By the time Madan was 8 it became clear that he would go to school, with or without his grandfather's blessing. So reluctantly, he was allowed to go. He was very bright, curious, and ambitious - and proved an excellent student. Despite his late start, he finished primary and middle school in just 4 years. He wanted to go to high school, but the only one around was in the next district. His grandfather agreed to fund his education on one condition - that he got married so that his wife would take care of his grandparents. At the age of 13, he married a 15 year old girl who proved to be an abusive drunk. He went to high school and completed his School Leaving Certificate after class 10. To continue his education, he had to find his father. Following a return address from an old letter on foot, with a 5 gram gold earring from his mother for funds, he traveled south to Janakpur to find his father. After more than a month of traveling and searching, he was welcomed by a proud father, who took him to Kathmandu to continue his studies. His father left Madan in the care of his two wives, not one, but two stepmothers to torture this young man. He was made a slave in his home. That alone would not be so bad, he said, if he was given enough to eat. He was always hungry. But still he excelled in his studies, his one way out...
Under the Rana regime, anyone caught reading or learning to write without their express permission, could have their hands chopped off. When the King implemented public education after the Revolution in 1951, some conservative villagers feared education, believing it would corrupt their children by making them lazy or even turning them into thieves. Madan's grandfather was among their ranks. Madan would be punished after sneaking off to study when he said he was tending the goats and other livestock. His mother supported him, but had little power in their home. By the time Madan was 8 it became clear that he would go to school, with or without his grandfather's blessing. So reluctantly, he was allowed to go. He was very bright, curious, and ambitious - and proved an excellent student. Despite his late start, he finished primary and middle school in just 4 years. He wanted to go to high school, but the only one around was in the next district. His grandfather agreed to fund his education on one condition - that he got married so that his wife would take care of his grandparents. At the age of 13, he married a 15 year old girl who proved to be an abusive drunk. He went to high school and completed his School Leaving Certificate after class 10. To continue his education, he had to find his father. Following a return address from an old letter on foot, with a 5 gram gold earring from his mother for funds, he traveled south to Janakpur to find his father. After more than a month of traveling and searching, he was welcomed by a proud father, who took him to Kathmandu to continue his studies. His father left Madan in the care of his two wives, not one, but two stepmothers to torture this young man. He was made a slave in his home. That alone would not be so bad, he said, if he was given enough to eat. He was always hungry. But still he excelled in his studies, his one way out...
He won scholarships and at last his efforts were rewarded. By some way or another (I haven't heard this part of the story yet) he managed to escape from his first marriage and his stepmothers and got a very good job with the government. Unlike many Nepali civil servants, Madan took his job seriously. He believed he could do some good work for his country. You may have heard of the famous apples in Marpha? That was his doing. He worked for the UN in Tanzania and has traveled all over the world. He has degrees from universities in more countries than he cares to count, awards from many governments and NGOs, and houses and land scattered throughout the country.
At the age of 62, the life expectancy for Nepali men, he realized something. All the wealth and fame he has does not mean he doesn't suffer. He decided to devote his retired life to trying to ease the suffering of people in Khotang.
These are some things I have learned from him:
-This life is just a bus stop. The bus is coming, but when is a mystery. It could be today or it could be in 50 years. It could be when you are sleeping. It could be when you are trying to cross the street. It could be in a battle or a car accident or a disease. But the bus will come and when it comes you can't take anything with you, you can't say "Oh just a minute, I'm busy right now." So where is there time at this bus stop to trouble others, to be angry, to hoard, to quarrel - it's a waste of time. Nothing you own is yours, you are just using it for the time being.
-Ni^3 (nicubed) - his prayer and blessing for others:
Nirogi hos, NiDar hos, Nispaksha hos
Be healthy, fearless, and fair.
Rather than a long life, I wish a healthy life because the bus could come at any time. Don't fear problems because they come and go. They are a natural part of the cycle and they present opportunities. If you latch on to problems and worry away at them, it will not make them pass more quickly. The same goes for successes, no amount of grasping will keep them for longer than they wish to stay. Celebrate them but do not think they will last forever. Don't fear death. If your bus has come a hundred thousand fathers could not save you, and if your bus has not come, a hundred thousand enemies could not kill you. Be side-less, just, fair, impartial, equaniminous. The problems of this world are caused by discrimination, prejudice, and favoritism. Let those things stop with you.
-thaha "knowledge" and more than that, it is not quite translatable. Ignorance is a terrible plague that causes suffering. Search for knowledge always. Know yourself - your body, it's functions, your purpose. Know nature - understand plants, animals, natural cycles, and your place among them. With this understanding, act.
-bani change "habit change." After knowing, and discovering what are right and wrong habits for your body, your relationship with others, and with nature, change those habits that are out of alignment. Be a change-maker, bani change.
-Learn all the important skills. We need skills in 5 areas to avoid suffering and be happy in life. We must know food, clothing, shelter, technology, and dance. From planting the seed to eating the rice, learn the skills to produce, process, and prepare food. This is the most important and takes the most time. Next learn to keep yourself properly clothed. You should at least know how to sew to fix your own clothes, and ideally you should be able to take a raw material and make it into something to wear - from sheep to sweater. Then, shelter - learn to build a proper home. At least, you should know the basics of electrical wiring, plumbing, and construction. Technology is essential in today's modern world. Learn to use transportation such as bicycles and cars or even helicopters. Learn to use computers, to write, find information, and communicate with the wider world. Learn to care for these technological gadgets as well as use them. Finally, dance - dance for health, for confidence, and to keep harmony with the outside world. Balance with rhythm and music keeps you in tune with nature. Being out of harmony is one of the biggest challenges we face as a species, dance helps us find that balance.
-Divide your life into three parts. Have money to eat and learn until you are 30. Have money to eat and invest in your children's education until they are grown. Then, have money to eat and give away. Don't give your wealth to your children, don't spoil them. Give them the skills and knowledge and opportunity to succeed on their own. If you have extra, give it to those who need it, not your well-equipped children.
-Invest in land. You need a place to stand if you are going to say or do something.
-Work with your mind and work with your hands. Without thought, manual labor is empty. Without labor, education is useless. Exercise your brain and your body. Keep them both strong and healthy with work.
-Get dirty. Today's children in Nepal live concrete lives. They wake up and get out of bed to their concrete floor, they go to their fancy school on the back of a motorbike without touching the earth, they remain always touching concrete. They are told earth is dirty. Their homes are clean and dirt free. They do not know anything but "blah blah" recitation. They get distinction, but they have no skills. "No, no, honey, let mommy do that, you study and get distinction." They never learned how to wash their clothes, scrub a pot, cook, or clean. They know how to eat good food, wear expensive clothes, play with expensive toys, and "blah, blah." These useless people cannot take care of the future. In schools, the children should get dirty. Work in the fields, gain all the skills they need. What is the use of "blah, blah" distinction anyway?
I live with a visionary and I am learning something every day. This just begins to scratch the surface. I am inspired and daunted by his example. I feel the weight of the responsibility of blessings. I am searching for the way to proceed. I have so many questions. I hope I can honor Madan maamaa with my own life's doings. I hope he will be proud to have known me and inspired me one day.
